Different kinds of re-entry

Dear family and friends,

The last sixteen months have resembled a roller-coaster ride; a bumpy, twisting, uncomfortable, exhilarating, emotional, and gut-wrenching ride. And I've never much appreciated amusement rides. There have been many ups and downs, unexpected turns, loud screams, fearful moments, joyous moments, and challenging, strange feelings about all of it. I still tremendously miss those in Peru who I left behind about a year and five months ago. I still pray the Lord's Prayer in Spanish as a feeble attempt to still feel connected to all that those four years meant to me and to acknowledge how transformative they were. I hold those memories, those experiences, those I served so dear in memory and in heart.

Most of our community of San Juan Camino de Esperanza,
Saint John Way of Hope

As Canadian astronaut, Chris Hadfield, returned to earth after several months on the International Space Station, there was an image on the evening news of him being helped from a helicopter, taking his first steps on earth. There was something in the image, in his stumbling walk, how he was held by others at his side to which I could relate. His adjustment involved the return to gravity with weakened muscles. And although my "re-entry" last year from life in Peru has its own unique story and was not a literal return to gravity, perhaps it was a return to a gravity of a different sort, instead to the North American "bubble".  The "bubble" of consumerism, materialism, secularism, and individualism to name a few.

It has been a vulnerable time. For several weeks and months I was just very sad and depressed, lonely for those I came to deeply love and care about. Sad for what was left behind and those whom I left behind to struggle with realities most of us North Americans can never imagine, trying to carry on the ministry with the children and youth from the surrounding barrio without a pastor or support (thankfully they now have a pastor!). For several months, I felt as if I had abandoned those I served, wanting to hop a plane at a moment's notice to go back.

Prior to church one Sunday, the girls play a game (I never could quite figure out the rules!),
in the little yard of the church compound....

At the outset, each place I returned to in Canada had its share of four years' worth of changes to adjust to, each area, each place I visited was different in some way and subconsciously, the brain makes the comparison. It was exhausting. There are other shocks or surprises along the way, too; not everyone is really interested in what happened to me in my experiences in Peru; priorities are different now; friendships have changed; we return from this time and are not the same. This is a good thing, by the way. But it means that we have stories to tell, experiences, challenges, and much to share. We have witnessed extremes of poverty, hunger, injustices, corruption, crime, pollution, overpopulation, to name a few. And so, we are not who we were and it takes time to figure out who one is now, in the re-entry, in this new reality.

All of this has left me feeling, at times, as though I had been on another planet or least in outer space, maybe on the International Space Station even. Maybe I should just be grateful to have made it safely back to Canada? No. It is so much more than that, it HAS to be about more than just feeling grateful for the opportunities and wealth, the health-care, clean water, education, etc, that we enjoy. No. This experience is much more. It changed me in every way a person can change.

But, this all leaves one feeling off-balance at times and looking like Mr. Hadfield walking on land for the first time in several months. One might feel as though one does not fit in anymore. Societal values and certainly many previously held cultural values are put into question. All things are new. The frame of reference is from a time in the past. Those of us who have lived in a developing country may have adapted more than we knew to our temporary home. We somehow accepted new cultural norms and ways of being in the world. And now, we return, to question our own cultural norms and values. Re-entry. It means so much, it challenges so much of who we are, of who we were and we continue to rediscover the depth of growth and change that has happened. What we can note is how our priorities have changed, our values, thoughts, opinions and perspectives are more clearly defined.

With our youth group of San Juan on our visit to the Museo de la Nación (National Museum),
a first elevator ride for many...a first look at the colonial history of their country...yes Machu Picchu is
not just a tourist destination, it is of historical and cultural significance to all Peruvians.

As a result of the sorrow, change, and challenge, among many other issues, it seems that I have spent time with those who understand the process of re-entry: international students; immigrants; refugees; returned missionaries; expats; those with a strong sense of global awareness; those who have experienced crises of their own, the types of challenge that these last four years brought into my life. I have spent more time with those whose cultural and societal values are in line with mine, who know that ones' value does not come from a new car or a new pair of shoes, but which rather comes from the love, grace, and acceptance of our gracious God. I have surrounded myself with those who have experienced or who are currently living cross-cultural, hybrid lives of their own, because they are immigrants, because they work in culturally diverse settings, because they work on the "other" side of the river, or have chosen to live sustainable lives.

There are still many challenges, more growth opportunities as I discover who I am now and who it is that God is calling me to be with all of those experiences of cross-cultural living. And on this new journey, one discovers the depth and wealth of God's grace and richness, and new life springs forth out of gratitude for what has been and then is able to accept and embrace those years so that they are incorporated into one's identity. Gravity, the reality, takes hold once again and it is with gratitude one continues.

Final worship service with Emaus congregation in Lima, Peru

It is with gratitude for all that has been that one can carry on. Thanks be to God for the hard, challenging years, the joyful, celebratory moments, and the many blessings that this now hybrid Canadian has experienced. May God continue to use, guide, inspire and enrich us all so that we may be faithful to God's calling in this Advent season, that our waiting may be active, and our listening, attentive to God's voice so that we may be strengthened to follow where God leads...Amen.

With hope, peace and joy...con mucha esperanza, paz y alegría continuamos en este camino de la fe!

Pastora Fran