Deep well of sorrow

It has welled up in me again. This very deep well of sorrow It is a grief beyond any known before. I have loved and lost before: two cousins to suicide, grandmothers, my only grandfather, a great aunt,  a mother's cousin, serious loved relationships that failed.  I have moved from towns, cities, communities in what number 33 moves now. There has been change, loss, and even grief for shifting relationships and jobs. And while one is strong and resilient, none of that has really prepared me for the tremendous sorrow that has been experienced over this past year and a bit of re-entry into Canada.

There is grief for severed connections and relationships, wondering how former parishioners are doing after journeying for years with them in their times of deep sorrows, fears, and worries. There is grief and loss over not walking any longer with those who struggle daily with difficult issues and tremendous challenges each day. When we in North America have so many financial resources (or access to those resources), we are still busy, working to make ends meet but seldom live without. One grieves not being there to listen, to support, to pray, and to journey with those precious Peruvian children of God. the play and laughter of children is missed, also. The children whose play and joy gives not a hint of the vulnerable and precarious realities of their world. One might not grieve for the conflict that erupts as a dormant volcano from time to time.Yet now, it is a missed opportunity for bringing peace, reconciliation and understanding, preaching and living the Gospel of life and salvation. This lived Gospel transforms mistrust and we can see the ways that God is working even through misunderstanding and conflict. To not be in ministry at this profound level marks a huge change of life and purpose. It creates and identity crisis of sorts.

One wonders the value of sending missionaries...the value of receiving missionaries, returned from such extreme circumstances, from being witnesses and sojourners with those suffering daily. One wonders the care that is given, now, to one's former congregation who had to wait 8 months, yes that's right, 8 months to receive the sacrament of holy communion. Such a pastoral shortage that one feels the children of God have been abandoned and ignored. Who are we as church if we are denying God's people the sacraments, the real means of grace as we proclaim them to be as Lutherans.

There is grief ....there is a deep well of sorrow and it rises to meet me from the depths of my gut, and at times it is difficult to breathe, to sleep. There are hopes and dreams for the ministry that have not, nor will ever, be realized now. There were trusted connections that have been severed. There were seeds planted, and I do not know the outcome of which have taken root, which will grow and sprout. The seeding had just begun amid the harshest of conditions. And all that was, is not the same.

The refiner's fire is more in the return than in the sending. This is a surprise! Canada four years later is a far cry from the one that was left. There is grief for the Canadian identity, being overshadowed in the name of development and under the guise of economic stability. Governmental dehumanizing decision-making affects not only our First Nations. Yet they are only ones speaking the truth. The rest are mesmerized by the almighty dollar, by bright, shiny new things. And it all sounds familiar. It sounds like a place one just left. And after years of waving the Canadian flag of it's better in my country, it is all rather disillusioning. The realities in my church and a sense of our loss of identity that parallels that of the Canadian identity is also deeply grieved.

The deep well of sorrow is mired with many complicating factors. Questions beg answers and there are none. It is a difficult struggle to accept what is and move forward. The Gospel and even Jesus, himself, calls us to not look back, to not be held back but to let go, name the truth, and move forward to "go and proclaim" the kingdom of God. It is a one day at a time journey. The grief will lessen. So I am told!

Few have understood. Few will ever understand the depth of sorrow, of loss, of loneliness that this journey has entailed. I grieve a people, a culture, a depth of faith and trust in God. Life is different here.

Let there be peace and grace abounding to help with the acceptance of what is a new reality and a new life here in this place. May the experiences, the loss, the grief, along with the joys of the last few years be a part of each cell, of each day. May God's love and grace reveal new life and possibility even as I struggle in the acceptance of what is, so that Gospel may also be lived and proclaimed here. God grant patience, understanding, and wisdom to replace the sorrow.

The day the boxes from Peru arrived!

With grace, peace and the love of God,

Pastora Fran

Skunk Documentaries

My father has long been a NatGeo fan. When we were children, he subscribed to the magazine, that was back in the 70's. He collected piles of them, often referring to them, and even re-reading them. When we had school projects, they were his first source of information. Even better when they came out with television, documentaries of every sort then they came out with their own network! He watched documentaries from all around the world. And when I was in India in 2005, in great awe and appreciation for all we saw and experienced, I thought of my father and the years of documentaries. They had been enlightening, inspiring, perspective broadening, and educational...a wonderful part of my growing-up years.

When I returned from India, I wanted to motivate my dad, showing him picture after picture, story after story of all we had seen. He enjoyed it thoroughly, adding more historical and geographical input. Then I asked him, "You have to go to India and see it for yourself, when can we go together." His simply reply, "No thanks, I enjoy seeing these places from the comfort of the sofa."

And so it is, and so it continues, some people just do not want to travel too far from home or from what is comfortable. Yet it happened again one night, as I found myself sitting with my parents during Christmas break and two weeks home with them. Sitting with my parents for the first time in four years, and what did we do you ask? We watched a documentary of course! Having traveled to many countries, and been introduced to various cultures and languages, having had life-changing experiences, an expanded world-view and perspective, been challenged in every way, seen things that they cannot even imagine. And, this is re-entry. We sat, together, and it was ok. We watched a documentary, this time about skunks. Yes skunks!

I did not understand why watching an hour worth of information about skunks was important and not talking to me about my travels, adventures, and experiences. One might have felt hurt except that my life was, and perhaps even still is, so far removed from that of my parents. The years in Peru cannot be summed up in one hour, even though I have tried in my re-entry with various presentations. The depth of change, growth, questioning and vulnerability cannot be summed up in a one hour documentary. Or perhaps it could but it just has not been done yet!

At that point, it had been six months. Parents are just happy that their daughter has returned to them, safe and sound. The daughter, instead, grieving, missing people, friends, parishioners and places. Mixed feelings of being happy to be with ones family sometimes gives way to sadness for the unknown period of time before one sees others loved as deeply in a far-off land.

And much like the beginning of my months at language school in Bolivia, I have stumbled over my words, often not understood certain phrases or expressions, not understood some of the new technology that greeted me back in Canada. There have been moments of not contributing to some conversations because I am simply not as interested as I used to be with a certain level of small-talk or superficial conversation or because those engaged in the conversation were using language, colloquialisms, or expressions from daily cultural norms, norms I had not yet integrated.

My father said that I didn't have to stay and watch the skunk documentary with them. But even in the midst of what I did not understand, I wanted to be with them, to just sit with them, to be grateful for them and their support in my life. I told him, "Dad, skunks don't interest me but you do." And so goes the adjusting and re-adapting to new realities and the figuring out who I am in the turbulence of it all.

Can I be grateful for skunk documentaries...sure! (once every four years or so)

With grace & peace...and blessings and more grace to those in their re-entries!

Fran

Saying Good-bye...

Dear family, friends, supporters and interested others!!

Greetings to you and peace to you in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I write to you from sunny, beautiful Saskatoon, a million miles away from Lima, Peru. And that is not just the distance, it feels like a million miles away in terms of culture, technology, language, and so much more. In these days of re-entry and re-adjustment I feel, once again, like Alice in Wonderland. I am exploring my own country through different eyes, reconnecting with family and friends, familiar yet not-so-familiar places. As with my first trip down the rabbit hole, I feel like a foreigner all over again. There is much that has changed in my beloved Canada, there are new things to integrate into vocabulary and into memory. The mind is racing making comparison's to Lima and Peru: from places, sounds, sights, smells, cities...the list of difference continues!

A local market

The view from Martirez, where many of San Juan Camino de
Esperanza children and youth live...

With Carlos, from San Juan Camino de Esperanza,
at my last ILEP National Convention

With the children at my Farewell Service at Emaus

Saying good-bye with the youth at San Juan Camino de Esperanza

After a little more than three months in Canada, there is now time for reflection on the good-byes to friends, colleagues, brothers and sisters of ILEP and parishioners of Emaus and San Juan Camino de Esperanza. Along with the Farewell Services, were fiestas to celebrate our years of ministry together, mixed in with the packing, details of an international move, good-bye lunches and coffees...and many, many tears of thankfulness!! As we know, good-byes are sad and I miss so many people, they are held close in thought and prayer and will for a long time to come!

Details of good-bye included packing up and
getting everything shipped back to Canada

With some of the members of Emaus at my
Farewell Service and Celebration of the ministry

In these years of missionary service, the ELCIC and ILEP in partnership were able to provide pastoral ministry to the congregation of San Juan Camino de Esperanza (St. John Way of Hope), an interim ministry for the last year at the congregation of Emaus, as well as participation in the conference of ILEP pastors, the formation and directing of an ILEP choir, music and liturgy classes with all but three ILEP congregations as well as through the UBL (Universidad Biblica Latinoamericana), and hosting many choirs, music groups, short-term mission groups, and welcoming of many visitors from Germany, Canada and the United States. What an honour it has been, and what blessing and challenge these years have presented. But I left with such gratitude and a heart filled with joy and love for all those with whom I had the pleasure to serve and walk alongside. God truly was present in these sacred places and spaces, on the roadways, in people's homes, in the sharing of meals, in the hillsides, valleys, walkways along the ocean, in joys and sorrow, and most especially in the breaking of bread and outpouring of wine as we gathered to worship, to sing, and in praise of our God from whom all blessings come!

With Pastora Uta, Missionary Pastor from Germany,
who preached at the San Juan Farewell and Celebration of Ministry

Sharing the peace with Brigitte and Angela who didn't want
to let me go....

The Eucharistic Prayer and Blessing

And as I leave behind a wonderfully complex and unique culture, people, land, children, congregations, youth, brothers and sisters in Christ, places, sights, smells, food, music and dances, I will continue to pray that those seeds that we planted here will continue to grow and flourish with God's love and grace.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord..." Jeremiah 29: 7-14 

With blessings, peace, love, and joy in the Lord,

Pastora Fran.

Summer 2012

Greetings to family, friends & supporters!

The weather in Lima had finally changed to fall by the time I was preparing to leave. That meant cool days, misty, grey skies and cooler fall-like temperatures by Canadian standards. But even with the cold, thoughts turned to this last summer in Lima and some of the events over these last few months.....

Emaus fundraisers....

Playing Bingo after worship to raise money for our rent...tonight's
prize: a HUGE chocolate bar...yummy!!

President, Carmen Valladares runs the BINGO...

Beautiful quilt received as gift and symbol of our companion relationship with Grace Lutheran Church in Victoria, British Colombia...

With a few members from San Juan Camino de Esperanza

Reading in English class, after Worship services on Sunday mornings,
with Angela, Miguel and Christian

Other Summer Events at San Juan Camino de Esperanza:

Vacation Bible School: Escuela del Verano

The children listen attentively...mostly!

Learning about "Cleaning our bodies and our soul"... practical and spiritual practices for how to wash our hands and hair, how to brush our teeth, then how God through Christ clean our hearts and spirits by forgiving us of our sin...

 With the youth at San Juan...

We collected rocks from around the church and carried them around, they were really heavy! They are like the sins that we carry with us every day. What does Jesus do with our sin? He washes us in the waters of Holy Baptism and cleanses us of our sin so that we can be transformed and made new. What good news that is for us!!

Cleaning our rocks and getting them ready to paint into something NEW!

Painting our rocks transforms them, just like what Christ does with our sin...

Lizette, Giselle and Percy busy transforming their rocks...


HANDING out special school packages and towels and toiletries from Grace Lutheran Church
and from Lutheran World Relief...THANK YOU to everyone who gave donations!!!

Gina receives her gift with a great big smile!

Our Annual Beach trip was a blast too....here the kids are anxiously looking at the beach as we turn to drive down the entry to Playa San Pedro, about an hour from San Juan de Lurigancho...

Enjoying the sun & surf!

Buried in the sand...

What a blessing this past Peruvian summer was, because of the Vacation Bible School, fundraising efforts, the trip to the beach, and the many donations received! Although this blog is LONG overdue and we are into our Canadian summer now, we remember and I remember the wonderful visits and conversations at the beach and during VBS and am grateful for how God has directed us in this ministry together over the years!


NEXT blog...a recounting of all the farewells and good-byes....as well as a video overview of the shared ministry between ILEP and ELCIC just in these past four years that I was able to serve as Long-Term Missionary to Peru.

With peace, love & blessings for a safe and enjoyable summer!

Pastora Fran.

Funny (and embarrassing!) learning curves...

Greetings dearest family, friends and supporters!


On the lighter side of life, cultural adaptation, ministry in a cross-cultural setting AND learning a new language, I thought it might be humorous to share some of my funny and embarrassing language blunders. A friend recently inspired me by sharing very openly about some his more embarrassing moments. That got me reflecting on some of my own humorous (and slightly embarrassing!) learning curves during the last four years since leaving Canada in August of 2008.

Here are just a few of the highlights from my personal blunder journal...what I SHOULD have said and what I actually said..enjoy!


Should have said: Tengo hambre (I'm hungry)...and what I said instead: Tengo hombre...which ACTUALLY means I have a man...um...that makes no sense at all but sure made my host mom laugh!

What I wanted to say: I have to buy soap for the shower (Tengo que comprar el jabon para ducharme)....& what I did say: Tengo que comprar JAMON para ducharme, which is: I need to buy ham for the shower. It wasn't just that I said it which made it funny but that it was accompanied by the washing gesture!!! That made it more funny. My host mom questioned me several times, you are going to shower with ham, are you sure? Of course, I repeatedly said yes, of course!...LOL...oh dear!

MANY times over the first few years, I referred to veca's (scholarships for theology students) as VACA, which is a cow. So we'd be talking about the vecas that were to be granted to our Seminary students and I kept saying vacas....I can see it now:  NEW Seminary policy, all students are to be given a COW to help with their studies....haha!

Perhaps the funniest and most embarrasing of said blunders happened a few months ago while enjoying lunch with the pastors after our monthly meeting. The papas, or potatoes, in Peru are delicious and I wanted to say was that the potatoes are more delicious here because the farmer's don't use pesticides or preservatives. But INSTEAD I Said: Las papas peruanas son las mas ricas porque los campesinos no usan preservativos. Sounds the same right? WRONG!! What I said was: Peruvian potatoes are so much better because the farmers don't use pesticides or condoms....YEP, preservativos are condoms in Spanish ...and preservantes are preservatives...CARAMBA! The two pastors at my table turned and looked me and I immediately realized my mistake and turned BEET RED! They asked, "Pastora Fran, do you know what you just said?"  Um, yes, that's not what I wanted to say at all, but it was all in good humor.

In reflecting on the years here in Peru, I can recount many more examples of experiences learning the Peruvian culture and traditions and the differences that made me feel uncomfortable and alien at times. Those of us who have lived cross-culturally understand as few others can how awkward these moments can be, but at least I can console myself by feeling that these learning curves and blunders have been more humorous than offensive. And my life is certainly richer for the blunders and learning curves, for all of the cultural difference and foreign experiences that have humbled me and which permit me, now, to admit my errors, to ask for help when it is needed, and to admit what I do not know or understand. It is a humility that is necessary to enter into any new experience or place whether we live in a foreign country or stay in our home town for all of our lives. God gifts us with this humility so that we can work together in God's kingdom and proclaim the Gospel to all nations and cultures, using all of our God-given talents and abilities with an openness and acceptance that can embrace the difference and the uncomfortable moments along the way, knowing that in Christ we are reconciled, no matter how BIG the blunder!

What a grace to be able to laugh at our errors, language or otherwise. This humility allows us to embrace the good, bad and ugly parts of our human experience. I remain humbly grateful for the wealth of experiences in this beautiful country that have taught me so much about myself, about my culture, about humility, about grace, about forgiveness, and about God's boundless love for each of us!

Wishing you all good laughter, joy and humility in the journey!


Pastora Fran.

Healthy Development?

Greetings and peace to all of you: family, friends, supporters and other interested persons!! 

From a somewhat foggy, rainy day at Machu Picchu,
pictured with Grace Iverson, Jannaya and Graham Jensen.

Remains of a building being destroyed
in the name of development, Ollantaytambo

A recent trip to the Cusco, the Sacred Valley, and Machu Picchu recently inspired some thought around globalization and whether all development is healthy development. Take, for example, this home next to the river in Ollantaytambo. It is being demolished to make room for an expanding tourist hostel. The growth of the tourist industry in this part of the world has allowed for expansion of highways, the development of restaurants, hostels, and hotels throughout the Sacred Valley. Employment is stable in transportation and service industries as well as the local artesan markets in many of the small pueblos in the area. 

My curiosity around all of this development caused me to talk with several of our drivers, guides, waiters and tour operators during our various travels. As we sat drinking our coffee one day, our waiter told us that around 80 tourist buses visit their location, Inca ruins in Ollantaytambo, every day, driving on the old cobblestone roads. In Pisac, the number of tourists has even converted the Plaza Principal (the main centrer of town) into a market of artisan goods. We can all agree that steady employment is a good thing, however are farmers and musicians,  tradespeople and laborers people becoming slaves to the tourist industry? Is this the type of work they would like to do, what does all of this traffic and all of these tourists mean to the infrastructures of water, highways, sewage and waste, not to mention the overpopulation of heritage sites?

                                                                                                                                                                            

The Plaza Principal in Pisac, now an
artisan market

How do we as Christians respond even as we are tourists in another culture? What kind of development is healthy development, for the local people, for the economy, for the environment, etc...?

Good questions, and I hope and pray we can be faithful in our awareness of those around us, of their lives and realities, of the effects our presence has on the environment, of livelihoods, of development. I hope and pray we can continue to be aware of the "sacred" in our midst, even as we are tourist to another country and culture. Because no matter where we are, I believe God calls us to care for our environment and our planet so that we can all live with dignity, with clean water and air, with sufficient food and enough work and resources on which to live. Our God calls us to awareness, to speak for justice and equality, to protect and speak on behalf of the voiceless whose livelihood depends on land and water systems that are healthy, to speak against those empires and corrupted powers who value money over people, trade over land, economy over justice. Whether in our own communities and cities, or whether as tourists, let us be aware.

The Sacred Valley is, indeed, a sacred place yet it continues to grow and develop, catering to the growing tourist trade. May God continue to empower us to protect the sacred places such as these that exist in our countries and in our communities, as well as those whose leaders seem to pay little attention to environmental impact, be it mining development or tourist development.

Left: the Colca Valley, beautiful during its rainy season....










Prayer:

O God of Abundant life, give us the strength, courage and wisdom to speak out against development that is harmful to the environment and those who inhabit it.The challenges are great but we know that you, O Lord, are faithful. Inspire and move us to greater awareness, to increased advocacy, and to a deeper commitment for justice. May your Holy Spirit so inspire us so that all may live in the abundance and grace that you provide to all your people. Amen. 

With Epiphany grace, enlightenment, and peace,
Pastora Fran.

Temblors for Navidad?

First written December 19th....

Greetings, peace, and joy to each of you; family, friends, supporters and followers!!

For the last two weeks, preparations for Christmas have been well underway. The streets are congested with people, old and young, and traffic has been crazier than normal as Peruvians spend their double salary for Navidad celebrations. Yes, Peruvians receive a double salary twice a year to help pay for added expenses during Independence Days (July 28 &29) as well as Christmas. This means all the shopping is done in the same month, generally speaking. Peruvians are busy shopping and stocking their shelves for family meals of pavo (turkey), paneton (Christmas fruit bread) and chocolate caliente (hot chocolate) among the other myriad of wonderful foods!! In addition to family gift-giving, gifts are purchased for those who provide services throughout the year, housekeepers, hairdressers, mechanics, gardeners. These are the canastas, gift baskets, filled with everything needed to have a traditional Peruvian family Christmas. For members of the churches we serve, both congregations are busy purchasing items to provide a mini-fiesta and we are packing gifts for the children provided by Caristas, an NGO (non-governmental organization) of LWR (Lutheran World Relief, USA). It is a busy time for everyone, filled with anticipation for what will be shared and for days off of work when families can be together.

In the midst of this anticipation and busy-ness, was a 4.8 tremor last night...

Suddenly, abruptly interrupted, perhaps we were awakened to the reality of our planet, suffering its anxieties and labor pains of contamination, exploitation, and climate change. The temblor (tremor) was strong, lasting a minute long. No damages were reported, Thanks be to God!, but it did wake me up to reconsider what is important in this life and what ought to be our focus during this Advent and Christmas: the coming Christ-child who will bring peace and justice. Maybe this temblor during Navidad can remind us that Christmas is not about the gifts, perhaps its not even about being with loved ones. In a very counter-cultural perspective, perhaps during Advent and Christmas we could focus less on our celebrations and more on Christ. If we can focus less on ourselves and more on God and God's love coming into the world, in human form, the incarnation of Jesus, then perhaps this sacred time of the year can really be about Christ.

This is the temblor the world needs! This is the temblor that God's word ought to invoke within us. This is the temblor, the shock, the jolt that Christ's birth brings into the world, waking us from the routine of our lives, from the acceptance and complacence of the injustices and inequalities that happen every day in order that we can wake up to the realities and begin to change our ways, our perspectives, our lives.

Let it be a temblor this year that shakes us to the core and wakens us to action in Christ's name!

With peace and joy to you this Christmas Season!

Pastora Fran